Ah, Christmas holidays. A time to take a much needed break from work and regular weekly activities. A few days to spend some quality time with relatives and friends, some of whom you haven’t seen all year! A time to eat great food and share gifts with the people that you love. And most importantly, a time to reflect upon the fact that a little over 2,000 years ago God sent His son Jesus into this world to be our Saviour. All of these things are wonderful and many of us look forward to this time of year. But, even Christmas holidays can come with some drawbacks. Though there are many different holiday drawbacks I am going to focus on one, being single for the holidays. Admittedly, this wasn’t a huge drawback for me this year, but it has been in the past. I remember going to family gatherings and seeing my other family members with the people that they were dating or the people that they recently married. I remember wanting to have that special someone to bring with me to the family dinner, but ended up going alone. And let’s be honest, even though I despise cold weather, winter can be one of the most romantic seasons of the year. Skating hand in hand with the person you love, going sledding, walking through a park lit with Christmas lights, going on a horse drawn carriage ride…you get my point. So for some single people, this time of year can be a sad reminder of the fact that they don’t have that special person in their lives. You enjoy all of the things that you get to do with your family and friends, yet you can’t help but think about how much better it would be if you weren’t single during the holidays. I’ve had these thoughts and you probably have as well. So I want to take a few minutes and share some things with you that have helped me enjoy the holidays as a single person.
It is true that I am single. In one sense I am alone, but I don’t have to be lonely. God has promised me that He will never leave me or forsake me and that He will be with me always (Hebrews 13:5, Matt. 28:20). Not only that, but God has made us a part of the body of Christ, His church. He has called us into community with those around us who have been redeemed by the blood of Jesus (1 Corinthians 12:27). I encourage you to be a part of a local church. I encourage you to get involved and to serve in whatever way you are able. If you are a guy you should find other godly young men to hangout with. Let them encourage you and strengthen you in your walk with God. You don’t need a girlfriend to have heart to heart talks with. Find some guys who are willing to invest in your life and talk you through your struggles. Ladies, surround yourself with godly women who are able to help you move forward in your walk with God and who are able to be there for you in times of need. Lastly, spend some time with older wiser Christians (including married couples) who are able to bless you with sound wisdom and advice.
As single Christians we have to realize that our singleness doesn’t define us. Our identity is not “single” or “married”. Our identity is found in Christ alone. We are all chosen, loved, adopted, and secure in Christ (Ephesians 1:3-14). Your relationship status can change. Maybe you have been there. You thought that you were in a relationship that was going to last a life time and then it ended after 6 months. I’ve been there. Some of us might have multiple relationships until we find our future spouse. Yes it’s not ideal, yes it’s hard, but don’t let a failed relationship define you. Remember your identity in Christ because that will never change and He will never leave you.
Christian singles can sometimes be tempted to forget who they are in Christ, especially the truth that they are greatly loved. We got let down by someone who claimed they loved us, or we are looking for a spouse to love and have always come up empty handed, and it’s tempting to feel unloved or unlovable. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you are single, you probably have some free time (I know I do:p). I encourage you to use this time to reflect upon God’s great love for you during the Christmas holidays. Remember the Christmas story, how God sent His son Jesus in the form of a human baby over 2,000 years ago. It was God’s love for you that led Him to send Jesus. God loves you before the foundation of the world. But we sinned and separated ourselves from Him. God sent Jesus to this earth, born of a virgin, 100% man, 100% God. He lived the perfect life that we should have lived, died the death we deserved to die, took the wrath of God for our sins, and was raised from the dead defeating sin, death, and the grave. Because of His life, death, and resurrection we are fully forgiven, fully loved, and guaranteed eternal life with Him forever. No human being can love you this much. This is the greatest love that has ever been displayed (1 John 4:9-19).
Another truth that has been very helpful to me is the fact that God is absolutely sovereign. He knows the beginning from the end. His ways are above our ways. None of his purposes can be thwarted. He is Lord and He is in control. Everything that He does is good, and He works all things together for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Job 42:2, Psalm 135:6, Romans 8:28, Isaiah 55:8-11, James 1:17). He cares for you, He is absolutely in control, and He loves to give good gifts (like marriage). Keep trusting in Him and wait on His perfect timing.
Just because you aren’t married yet doesn’t mean that it isn’t God’s will for your life. The desire for marriage is a good desire. God created marriage and declares it to be a good thing (Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 18:22). But we have to be careful not to take a “good” thing and make it into a “god” thing. God loves marriage but He abhors idolatry. If we expect marriage to complete us then we are setting ourselves up for disaster. And maybe God hasn’t given you a spouse because you hope to find in a spouse what only God can give you. Marriage is a good gift from God, but it makes a terrible god. Let marriage have it’s proper place, desire it, pursue it, and trust in God’s good sovereign will for your life.
One last thing to keep in mind. We are to wait on God’s perfect timing, but that doesn’t mean we should do nothing. A spouse isn’t just going to fall from heaven and land in our lap. That might happen in a Disney movie, but this is real life. We should not waste this time that God has given us, we should use it wisely. God has graciously given us this time to mature in our faith, prepare ourselves for marriage, to learn about what we should look for in a spouse, and to serve Him with our free time. So read some books on the subject, read articles, listen to sermons, and get advice from other godly people in your life (especially seasoned married couples). Get involved at church, and serve Him the best that you can. Put yourself in positions where you can meet other Christian singles your age. And then continue to pray for God to give you a spouse. And do all of this for His glory.